The "Poxy Report" Report
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "poxy_report" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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03:50 am
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Hello World!
My word, it's been a while since I last posted. I guess I've just got caught up in life and didn't have much time or energy to write about it.
The manager at the Map Shop has gone to Canada with her boyfriend for a bit over a month, and she's left me pretty much in charge. I'm splitting her hours with another guy called Pat, who's been there for about 6 months and has really done a very good job.
Sometimes I feel a little guilty when I think about it; I got this job because Peter worked there before me and put in a really good word for me, not because of any previous experience with small businesses or a great interest in maps. I mean, I'd worked at Coles for almost 4 years prior to this, and I'm great at talking to customers, but I know/knew next to nothing about geography or cartography. I can't help but think that it might have been better for the store in the long run if they'd gotten a guy like Pat when they hired me. If Alison decided to stay in Canada instead of coming back here, and I didn't have uni next year, I'd probably recommend Patrick as manager over myself.
Back onto less introspective topics: I have now completely moved out of the Big Green House and am currently residing with Damon and Josh in a very nice house on Brisbane's south side. We had our house-warming party on the weekend, and I feel that the temperature was increased by a suitable amount.
Lately I have also been recording a series of youtube videos with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) peterchayward, which has been a nice little collaborative project considering that we currently live 1200Km apart. Peter's videos can be found here, and mine here; they're the ones titled "Dear Peter/Gavin". Hopefully we'll continue to upload those videos right up until Peter moves to Melbourne and is without internet for a while.
I also have some exciting news of the relationship kind: I have been chatting online with a girl called Hannah for the last couple of months, and we were getting along really well. She was smart, witty and into superheroes; so just my kind of person. A couple of weeks ago she asked me if I wanted to meet up so that she could see if I spoke as well in person as I do in writing, and so that I could be sure that she wasn't a 43 year-old man who liked to play pretend. I typed back a very enthusiastic "yes", and we made plans to go see Zombieland together last Sunday.
I turned up a little early, as I am want to do, and spent an anxious 5-10 minutes walking in a circuit around Garden City while waiting for her to arrive. She was pretty much exactly on time, and after shaking hands we had lunch at Grill'd before the movie. We made somewhat forced small-talk for the first half-hour or so until we relaxed into each other's company and things went smoother.
The movie was really good, and there was no inappropriate behaviour enacted on anyone's behalf while it was on. Afterwards, Hannah kept me company while I got some groceries from the shop and then I walked her to her car where there was an awkward hug goodbye.
She's really cute, and I'll be seeing her again sometime next week. Could things finally be coming up "Gavin"?
And now I've got to go to bed. I'm so glad that I'm not working again until Friday.
Tags: girls, life, movies, moving
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09:41 am
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Out of my depth
Today I was meant to be getting the last of the furniture out from underneath the house and either donating it to Lifeline or, if they didn't want it, hiring a trailer and driving it out to the tip. Tomorrow I need to hand in the keys to the Big Green House, so I really needed to get this stuff done today.
At 7:40 this morning I got a phonecall from my boss's boyfriend, telling me that she's really sick and "throwing up everywhere" (aren't Canadian's so polite?), and asking me if I could open the store and work until they were able to get ahold of someone else. I reluctantly agreed after he told me that they had already tried to contact the other guy who works here, and 15 minutes later I was waiting for the bus.
I've canceled the trailer I had booked, and told Lifeline that they're welcome to take whatever they want from under the house (hopefully: everything). If I get lucky, Pat will come in some time soonish and I'll still get done everything I wanted to do.
So, here I am, still sporting my pathetic Movember attempt which I wanted to shave off this morning, but didn't. It's not a process I want to rush, as a man looks funny without a nose.
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02:12 am
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Eclipse Review: Chapters 11-15
It's late, and I actually have to get up tomorrow morning, so I'm going to make thins as quick and concise as I can while leaving out none of the snark that I know you all read these thing for. Let's get on with it.
Eclipse Review: Chapters 11-15
I am loath to admit it, but I actually quite enjoyed the first chapter in this part. Bella is having a BBQ with the hairiest of her American-Indian friends while listening to the history of the Quileute tribe. I've got to give it to her, Smeyers can be quite readable; as long as she's writing in third person, not using dialogue and having Bella and Edward entirely absent from the story.
That's what I'd like to see: Twilight done without Bella, Edward, dialogue or first person. And, of course, without fricking sparkily vampires.
The story basically says that the Quileute Indians have always been magical people, but they got even more magical after the vampires turned up. But, throughout all history there has never been a magical female. The women's role has always been to stay at home, have bebbies, and stab yourself in the heart to save your husband from the vampires if need be. Bella feels an odd attraction to the woman in this story, and we can only hope that she stabs herself to death sometime soon.
Bella falls asleep at some point in the festivities and wakes up to find herself in Jacob's car, being taken back to Edward. Jacob rang Eddie from Bella's phone some time earlier, and apparently the two of them are capable of getting along alright, providing that Bella is unconscious during all their encounters. I could be down with that:
"Hey, Edward, wanna hang?"
"Oh, Jacob, just a moment."
WHAM!
"So, Guitar Hero?"
Over the next chapter, Belward (like "Brangelina", or "Tomkat") have some annoying conversations about why Edward doesn't want Bella to become a vampire (because he's afraid he's being selfish, or something), why Bella doesn't want to get married (she doesn't want to be "that girl" who gets married right out of high school) and both of them agree that they're being stupid (because they're characters in a book written by a woman who never learnt that stalking isn't a romantic activity).
Alice, mind ever on the important issues, informs them that they'll be having a graduation party. Because her visions told her that they would. She had a vision. Of them having a party.
What a useful superpower.
While these three are having conversations about pathetic prophetic parties, the trivial killings in Seattle continue to happen. Alice's visions haven't contained anything useful about the outcome of their investigations (probably because she focussed on discovering what napkins they're going to choose for the party), and so Edward decides to speak to Jasper.
Just a quick aside: I don't think that Emmett really belongs in these books, but more on that later.
Jasper proceeds to tell Bella his complete origin story, rather than getting to the point and sharing the information that could save people's lives. It turns out that he was the "OMG!YoungestMajorEVAR!" while alive, and proceeded to be the "OMG!BestVampireWarStrategistEVAR!" in death. Because this series didn't have enough Mary Sues yet.
Thanks to Jasper's long-drawn insight into the situation, the Cullens arrive at the conclusion that someone in Seattle is creating an army of young vampires, most likely in an attempt to kill the Cullens themselves. They decide to move against the army in a week's time. But first, they need to hunt; which means that Bella gets to hang out with her favourite shoe-chewing friend.
Poor Jacob hasn't been sleeping much lately and, after picking Bella up from the boarder of the Indian lands, he has a little snooze. While the wonder-pup chases werecats in his sleep, Bella attempts to think, but the effort is too much and she defaults back to daydreaming about her moody, possessive, stalkerish, pedophelic boyfriend. Bella knows that Carlisle will turn her into a "vampire" immediately after graduation if she asked him to, but she wants Edward to be the one to turn her. Because if it's his venom that does it: It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way. This girl has absolutely no concept of a partnership of equals. How very Mormon of her.
But you know, if I was female I'd probably let Edward turn me too. Into the most dedicated lesbian this world has ever seen.
About then, Jacob wakes up and has to tell Bella something very important. He's in love with her, and he always has been. And here was I thinking that he had been lying all those other times he said things to the same effect. Bella tells him "thanks, but no thanks". Apparently she's already dating someone that she's rather attached to, and thinks it might be something a little bit special. Jacob tells her to think about it, because she has "options". And then he forces her to kiss him.
No, that wasn't clever talk for "he talked her into giving him a peck on the cheek", he literally grabs her chin with his super-magic-strength and mashes her lips to his. Open mouth.
Did you ever, as a kid, let a dog lick your mouth? Maybe even lick inside your mouth? I'm going to admit that yes, I did, and it's not really something I want to do ever again. Just imagine for me now that the dog has hands, is really strong, and is holding your mouth open so it has better access.
So much for "options".
Once slobber-cyclone Jacob has abated and released moo-cow Bella from its grasp, our bovine heroine winds up and socks the offending weather-pattern right in the face. And breaks her hoof.
Jacob gives Bella a lift home, still professing his love and intention to demonstrate it in grandiose fashion to the girl who is currently nursing a fracture; thanks, in part, to his grandiose demonstrations. Bella calls her undead lover to come and take her to the undead doctor, and to put a insolent pup into his place. Or possibly even the ground.
Charlie sullied his good name with me further by siding with Jacob throughout this. I still hate Bella, Edward and everything they stand for, but any father who's first response to finding out that his daughter has been sexually assaulted by a family friend is "Good for you, kid", deserves to have his genitals slowly fed into a belt-sander while being forced to watch Teletubbies on loop. "Again, again!" indeed.
Edward managed to disappoint as per usual, by not doing anything to Jacob bar giving him a stern warning before taking Bella off to get fixed by Carlisle. Not in the fun sense, though.
And now back to Emmett, and why I don't think he belongs in these books. The reason is: he's a good character. I like Emmett. He's possibly the only character I do like. His first response to finding out that Bella broke her hand by punching a werewolf in the face is to laugh. I like that. Earlier, while they were discussing the killers in Seattle, all he said was "Let's go now, I'm dead bored". Then he had Jasper are having a bet on how many humans Bella will kill in her first year as a vampire, which actually made me laugh with the book and not at it.
I had better go to sleep now, I think I'm losing my grip on reality.
Eclipse Review: Chapters 1-5
Eclipse Review: Chapters 6-10
Tags: twilight
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12:45 pm
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Hogarth's Gathering: The Parallel Universe Revenge!
Last night was the second last Edge Improv show for the year, and quite probably the second last show ever at Kitty O'Shea's. We were still running with "The Series" format, where you have two 20-25min long form shows that compete for audience votes (or "ratings"), and the one with the most votes gets continued the next week.
Or that's what usually happens.
This week's shows were: Hogarth's Revenge (directed by myself) and The Gathering: The Parallel Universe Chronicles (Directed by Kevin). This would the second time these two shows clashed head-to-head, their previous meeting ending in a tie. I was preparing for another long, hard fight for the audience's approval.
But then, disaster struck. Since peterchayward had returned to Canberra, Hogarth would already be missing his first mate, Nelson Starkey, but then Cameron told me that he wouldn't be able to attend either which meant no rival/adversary, Kurt Rail. I had a plan for dealing with the absence of Nelson, but it kind of depended on the presence of Kurt.
The Gathering was also down a couple of players and, with the 2 people who had turned up to watch at the time, we were considering cancelling the impro and just hanging out.
But no! We would not let the lack of players or audience get us down! I knew that there were at least two more audience members on the way, and we had more than enough players to attempt something drastic, something crazy. Something that just might work.
So, we combined the shows.
The Gathering's format is very similar to a Harold. It starts off with a group of villagers on the stage who toss around a word provided by the audience. They start telling little one-sentence stories inspired by the word, and always raising the stakes. Then they clear the stage and play out three short scenes (A, B and C), then they all meet up again for a song which is followed by the continuation of those scenes and that repeats until the scenes are resolved. We slotted Hogarth's Revenge in there by making it scene A, and just made The Gathering go for about 45mins, with an intermission in the middle.
It worked really well, and I had a blast. I think this was aided by having my friend Ele come along, who Kate and I dropped home afterwards.
Next week is the final series show, and it's also my birthday, so having as many of you there as possible would be fantastic!
Tags: impro, life
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10:16 pm
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Eclipse Review: Chapters 6-10
I managed to chew through another 5 chapters this morning, but then became briefly distracted by Borderlands and lunch, so this review has had time to percolate.
Eclipse Review: Chapters 6-10
After spending the day with Jacob; holding his hand, sitting with him on the beach, gently stroking his... face, like friends do, Bella heads back into town to hang out with one of her more human friends. Along the way she is closely tailed by someone in a silver volvo. Who could that be, I wonder? While talking with her friend Bella is introduced to the concept that perhaps Edward is just acting like an overly-possessive jealous boyfriend who doesn't want her hanging around muscular young men because they are, well, muscular young men.
Bella returns home to find Edward waiting for her in her bedroom, acting like a father who's been waiting up until the wee hours of the morning for a teenager to get home. This is what happens when you date someone who's considerably older than you, they start acting all parental. Edward berates Bella for not acting like a good Mormon wife and doing everything he tells her, and Bella springs the "jealous boyfriend" theory on him, which he completely ignores and ends the fight by telling her she smells like a dog.
The next day Edward has to go on another hunting trip, because Bella inconveniently cut his last one short by going to visit a friend without asking his permission, so Bella plans another visit to Jacob's. However, Edward predicted this and convinced Alice to kidnap Bella for the rest of the week by bribing her with a porsche. Oh, to be immortal and have absolutely no living expenses.
Behaving like a rational human being for the first time since her birth, Bella is a little miffed about the circumvention of her civil liberties and promises to be quite put out with Edward upon his return. Wait, or was it "she promises to put out upon his return"? I'll get back to that later.
During her first night of confinement, Rosalie visits Bella in Edward's bedroom and tells her all about how she was a selfish bitch in life, and still is in death. She also explains to Bella that she isn't her friend, and is never likely to be. And so, after that heart-warming little story, Bella has a happy night's sleep.
The next day, Bella seems resigned to the fate of putting up with Alice's pedicures, almost-genuine Italian food and sleeping in a giant bed, until Jacob turns up at school on his motorbike and kidnaps Bella right back from the Cullens.
Back on the beach Jacob is a happy little ray of sunshine. It turns out that another one of his friends has done the "Imprinting" thing, but this one imprinted on a 2 year-old. A freaking 2 year-old. He goes to lengths explaining how it's not creepy at all, and that he'll just be the girl's "friend" until she's old enough to be more fun. Yeah, that's like me saying I'll just be someone's "friend" until they break-up with their current boyfriend, and then we'll see what happens.
Their conversation moves onto the subject of Bella wanting to become one of the eternally stupid. Bella is sill all for it, and Jacob tells her that he'd prefer she be dead. You know what, Jacob? I'm with you 100%. I cannot conceive of a worse hell than that girl being given eternal life. Bella also goes on a bit more about how unreasonable Edward is being by insisting that they get married before she gets to wear the cape ("ONE Ahahah!"). This has never stopped annoying me; sure, her parents didn't have a happy marriage, and sometimes people do stop loving each other, but she's talking about eternal damnation here. I hear that vampirism thing is kinda hard to get annulled.
Being told that her best friend wants her dead upsets poor, sensitive Bella and she storms on back to Chez les Cullen where Alice is waiting for her, wearing rollers, a hair-net and passive-aggressively mentions that her dinner is cold.
Bella goes to sleep on the couch in Edward's room, since not using the bed is her little rebellion against her piss-weak captors. She wakes up a few hours later to discover that Edward has moved her to the bed and is now molesting her in that nice way all boyfriends do. While their partner is asleep.
However, Smeyers kind of neglects to say that Bella is now on the bed. Bella rolls over and remarks on how that motion should have landed her on her ass, and later Edward mentions that the pretzel he is bending her into would have been difficult on the couch. I'm possibly being a little petty, but gosh-darn it! If this managed to confuse me for a while, then surely others had trouble with it as well.
Anyway, back to what our two very Mormon characters are getting up to on that mysterious bed. Bella is supposed to be angry at Edward for organising her kidnapping, but as soon as he's in the room her mind, what little of it there was, skips away to play bingo with the faeries. More than that, however, she's surprised and even grateful to the sick bastard when he isn't angry that she ran off to play mothers and fathers with Jacob the Wonderpup. He's decided that perhaps Bella can be trusted with a small portion of her own life and will provisionally allow her to explore these things called "friendships".
Then it turns out that the only reason he was acting a little frisky was to demonstrate to Bella the advantages of sleeping in a bed. He then tells her to go back to sleep, after making her all hot and bothered. I know the guy has no soul, but seriously? Edward is a total wanker.
The next day the two return to Bella's room and discover that someone has been in there, besides Mr McSparkly and the Sparklettes. Some of Bella's things are missing: some of her "personal" things. Some of her personal things that have her "scent" on them. Do I have to spell it out for you?
Edward has a quick sniff round and can figure out that it's a vampire, but not one that he or Carlisle have encountered before. They make peace with Jacob and he comes around to check out the scent as well. Pretty soon there's a queue of people outside all wanting to come in and take a sniff around Bella's room. Jacob suggests, and Edward agrees, that Bella would be just as safe in the Werewolf Pound as she is while imprisoned in Edward's room. Without bothering to check with the girl herself, the two arrange for her to spend the evening there.
My goodness me, that took a long time to write. I started at about 12:30 and it's now 10:15. I guess that's what you get for actually having a life.
Eclipse Review: Chapters 1-5
Eclipse Review: Chapters 11-15
Tags: twilight
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12:25 am
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Eclipse Review: Chapters 1-5
Yes folks, it's that time again. I'm on holidays and have nothing better to do with my time; so I thought I may as well force-feed myself another one of Stephenie Meyer's books in the hope that it comes out the other end as something more appealing.
Yes, that was a poop joke. And yes, I did just compare my reviews to poop. Let's move right along, shall we?
Eclipse Review: Chapters 1-5
Eclipse is the third book in the Twilight series and it continues the needlessly complicated love story of Bella Swan, a clumsy but otherwise normal teenage girl (see: "overly emotional and irrational idiot"), and Edward Cullen, a sparkily vampire (see: "author's wet dream"). The book opens with Bella reading a note from her other boy-toy, Jacob the Werewolf, which tells her that he still doesn't want to play nice with the vampire, which means no three-way for her. Lucky, otherwise Laurel K Hamilton might have sued for copyright violation.
Bella is dragged out of her fantasising by the smell of a burning plot-development, and she ventures into the kitchen to discover that Charlie has attempted to cook spaghetti. This has simultaneously reminded me of two things, so I'll attempt to code a list:- I have actually witnessed someone failing to cook spaghetti before. A couple of years ago my cousin, peterchayward, was boiling water for the pasta when he managed to set a box of tea-bags on fire.
- Everyone in the Smeyer universe over the age of 26 are mostly incompetent.
Charlie, despite being a high-ranking police officer and living by himself for over a decade, can barely feed and dress himself without assistance. Bella's mum is irresponsible and needs to be treated like a naughty teenager and her step-dad never seems to be around. Indeed, the only people who are old enough to drink and still able to go to the toilet without assistance seem to be the Cullens, who have several centuries of practice. But back to the story.
For the past several months, Bella has been under house arrest for the crime of failing to kill herself and running off to Europe without leaving a note. Charlie's attempt at dinner was his way of telling Bella that she is provisionally un-grounded. His only condition is that she spend time with people other than Edward.
And speaking of creepy paedophiles with absolutely no realistic attractive qualities whatsoever, it's 16 pages into the book and he is yet to make an appea- oh, there's the doorbell.
I was actually beginning to enjoy this book for reasons other than making fun of it; the writing wasn't too bad, Bella hadn't "adorably" fallen over anything and I wasn't yet drowning in an ocean of similes. I had forgotten just how annoying the pages and pages describing Edward's beauty and perfection were. Page 17 (and 18, and 19) reminded me. Over and over again.
When Bella is finally able to think about something other than just how perfect Edward is, the two move onto discussing more trivial things; like college, Bella becoming a vampire, the killings in Seattle, more about college and how Bella is banned from visiting Jacob. More specifically: how Edward has banned Bella from visiting Jacob.
You see, Edward just cares so very much about Bella, and is so very concerned about her safety, that he has taken it upon himself to decide who she can and can't visit. It's not possessive or creepy though, because he's doing it all to "protect" her.
To quote the book itself:
"I'm not going to go along with that. I have to see Jacob."
"Then I'll have to stop you."
He sounded utterly confidant that this wouldn't be a problem.
I was sure he was right.
Here's a tip for all the girls out there: If your boyfriend starts deciding which of your friends you can and can't visit, he may be what we in the profession call "An Over-Possessive Bastard". My advice to you is: drop that vampiric freak like a sack of pin-less grenades and run like hell. If he then removes a piece of your fricking engine so that you can't run away: start sleeping with a wooden stake under your pillow.
After Edward's adopted sister, Alice, has a vision of the future he insists that Bella flies with him to Phoenix to visit her mother for a weekend. Naturally, he lies about what the vision was in order to "protect" her. Because he's just so nice.
At this point I would like to complain about something other than the ridiculous characters and plot of this book, and that is Smeyer's tendency to skip exciting action and just have characters talk about it later. She has done this twice now in the first 5 chapters: once when Edward and Bella go to visit his family, and again when the two skip town to visit Bella's mother, Renee.
The saying "Show, don't tell" is there for a reason.
After she returns from Phoenix, Bella finds out from Jacob (who is suddenly talking to her again) that Victoria, the only remaining evil vampire from the first book, was in town that weekend. This was the true subject of Alice's dream, which Edward thought Bella would be better off not knowing.
In retaliation, Bella runs off and spends a day with Jacob on the Indian reserve. While there, Jacob hits on Bella a lot, insults her boyfriend and his family, laughs at her fears and concerns and generally acts like an ass. Is it any wonder that Bella decided not to dump Captain Bi-Polar for him?
Jacob also explains "Imprinting", a special way that werewolves find their one true love. This will become more important, and creepy, as the book continues.
Eclipse Review: Chapters 6-10
Eclipse Review: Chapters 11-15
Tags: twilight
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11:49 pm
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Gavin + unknown quality = Blarg
My goodness me, I have drunk a lot of water today. I am going in tomorrow to donate platelet-rich plasma at the Red Cross and they recommend that in the 24 hours before you donate you drink 3L of water, the majority of it the day before so you don't need to go to the toilet while you have a needle in your arm syphoning off your bodily fluids.
I also have been coughing a sneezing a lot today. I don't usually get hay fever, but tonight I got it bad. My eyes got all red and puffy, but luckily there were anti-histamines available at the place I was playing D&D which sorted me right out.
I've been watching Breaking Bad with Peter lately, and it is a really funny show. There are moments when it is almost unbearably uncomfortable, but overall it is really really good.
That is all. Tomorrow I will be donating platelets and then going around to my new house to hang out with my future housemates for a while. I'm also going to try and talk Ele into coming to the "7BQ" on Sunday.
G'night all!
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08:53 pm
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I should have expected it
The "date" has been down-graded to "just friends going to the movies". She had initially been willing for it to be an actual date, but then had second thoughts.
Oh well. Such is life.
Tags: girls
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08:20 pm
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Nano
As day 1 of NaNoWriMo 2009 draws to a close, I am on track. I just finished my first entry and it came in at 1676 words, a whole 9 words over the daily average.
I am very tired, we had the Maskerade after party last night, and it was fantastic fun. I won't go into details, mostly because I am far too tired.
I am slightly concerned over the status of my date on Tuesday. I'm not sure if she thinks it's a date or not. I sent her an email several hours ago, casually asking if she'd like to get dinner at some point during our date, so hopefully she'll reply with some kind of acknowledgement that it's a date.
Urgh! So sleepy! To bed now!
Tags: girls, maskerade, nano
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10:24 am
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More on Mask
Last night marked the half-way point for the performance run of Maskerade. We have a matinee show today and then an entire Monday off, followed by another week of performances. I'm not looking forwards to the end, although many people are. I am a creature of the stage; I love being in costume (except for Mr Pounders tights), standing in front of a room full of people who I can barely see due to the lights in my eyes. It has been a fantastic experience, and I'll be sad when it's all over. I guess I'll just have to audition for another show soon.
The Arts Theatre is doing Going Postal as their Pratchett next year, and I'm hoping to get the role of Moist Von Lipwig (the main character). If not, Stanley the pin-collector or Mr Pump the golem could be fun. Even Junior Postman Groat would be okay, but I think playing all these older characters is prematurely aging me.
In other news: I haven't been able to sleep in past 10am lately. I'll wake up, lay there with my eyes closed for a while, then finally check the time and it will always be around 10. It doesn't matter how late I go to bed; 2am, 3am: I'm always up by 10. Frustrating.
My mum is arriving this afternoon and staying at the Big Green House for a few days this week. She's going to see the show (like the rest of you should be doing) and help me pack up the house in preparation for the big move. I just wished Jeff (my car) had a tow-bar.
Tags: life, maskerade
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01:09 am
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Maskerade! Greebo really should be spayed.
Tonight was the best performance of Maskerade so far; perhaps not "technically, and we've done the lines better, and there were one or two dropped cues, but it was by far the most enjoyable.
We had 100+ audience members, so there were a lot more laughs, which pushed us on to perform better. They cackled over lines that had never received laughs before and everyone was on top form.
After the show we had a couple of drinks with the few audience members who had chosen to stick around. I only knew one of them, and not very well at that, but it was all made up for by being able to have a nice long chat with my new crush.
Now I am going to play Fable 2 for a little while longer (it has the worst ending "battle" of any game I've played), and then sleep in. Because I am now on holidays (apart from the show, which is just under half over).
Tags: girls, maskerade
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01:31 am
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... with a uterus.
There are many reasons that I love amateur theatre, with the main one being: it's fun. No one there is being paid, you're all in it for the love of performing and you can meet some wonderful people while you're at it. Another thing I love about amateur theatre are the funny traditions that build up around it, which includes cast pranks.
On the other hand, I really wouldn't mind getting into semi-pro or even fully professional theatre, especially since I could get paid for it. However, my only experience with the world of "professional theatre" so far has been through uni. At the end of my first year we had a class called "Production 1" in which we rehearsed and performed a play under "semi-professional industry standards". I got into "Woyzeck" (pronounced "Voy-check") which was being directed by a man who I will call Sam Howard. Sam seemed like a fairly laid-back kind of guy, he had directed Woyzeck a couple of times before and he let us have quite a bit of freedom when developing our characters and blocking. He snapped at us a couple of times, but that's what directors have to do on occasion.
Up until this point my only experiences with theatre had been a couple of High School musicals and a few pantos with the Emerald Little Theatre. In my limited experience I had been introduced to the idea of "cast pranks", and I thought that was pretty much the norm when it came to theatre. So, performance week came around, and we were going to be performing Woyzeck three times in that week. Sam would only be attending the third performance, and that's when you do cast pranks; the final show.
So, during one of my monologues, instead of saying the scripted line which was "I can see panties hanging on the lines of the girl's boarding house" (I was playing a creepy character) I said: "I can see Sam Howard, wearing panties in the gardens of the girl's boarding house". The audience loved it; most of them knowing who Sam was. The show continued as per normal, and afterwards we were all on a theatre high. We all thought it had been our best show yet.
I gave a thumbs up to one of the assistant directors who had been sitting next to Sam during the performance, but he gave me a somewhat morose look and shook his head. Sam called us all out onto the stage, and then he began berating me.
"Where are you, Gavin?"
"The Woodward Theatre, sir?"
"No, Gavin, you are in fucking university. This isn't high school."
"No, sir."
"You do not fuck with one of my shows. Ever."
"I'm sorry, sir."
I hate holding grudges, but man; that guy ticked me off.
Now, I want you to imagine my immense pleasure when in the show I am currently in (Maskerade, adapted from Terry Pratchett's novel of the same name. As me for more details if you want them) the directors told us all at the end of our final rehearsal of a little tradition that has developed around Pratchett plays. No, not just a tradition, it's actually a challenge. Once per performance, any actor may insert the word "Uterus" into their lines. It has to be in character and not destroy the scene or throw the other actors off too much. Once uterus has been used by someone, no one else is allowed to use it in that performance and it can not be used in that spot again. The first person to say "uterus" in the play's run actually wins a small prize.
And I won.
We had been told not to say it on opening night, because that's when all the snobby "friends of the theatre" free-ticket holders see it, and we don't want some old biddy having a heart attack. As such, tonight was the first night it could be used.
My first character, Mr Pounder the rat-catcher, has a scene with a female character in which he inadvertently calls her a man, and then attempts to correct himself. The line goes pretty much:
Of course, in your case you'd probably be a happy woman, on account of being a woman.
... with a uterus.
Tags: maskerade, theatre
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09:49 am
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Maskerade! Paper faces on parade!
Those of you who have had any contact with me recently will know that a phenominal ammount of my time recently has been devoted to study a play that I am in called Maskerade. Those of you who haven't had much contact with me recently, that's probably why.
The play is based upon a Terry Pratchett Discworld novel of the same name (and if you don't know who Terry Pratchett is, I recommend you go to your nearest library or bookshop and find out). I have been a Pratchett fan for many many years, and was most excited at the opportunity to act in a play adapeted from his novels (by the talanted Stephen Briggs). Rehearsals started about 5 or 6 weeks ago (I could find out, but am too lazy) and we had our last one last night.
Tonight we open. It has kind of snuck up on me, and I am a little sad to be moving out of rehearsal period, which is odd considering that I do this stuff to be on a stage in front of an audience (hopefully making them laugh). We're running for a bit over two weeks, from the 16th (tonight) until Sturday the 31st, missing only the first Sunday and both Mondays. It's going to be a tiring run, but I am lookng forwards to it!
Most performances will start at 8pm, except for the Sunday matine and a slightly earlier showing on Thursday the 22nd (or it could be the Friday following, not sure) to accomodate a school group from the Sunshine Coast.
You can book on the Brisbane Arts Theatre's website, by email (bookings@artstheatre.com.au), phone (3369 2344) or just turn up on the night (although, this is the least preferred option). Tickets are $25 for students/concessions and $30 for adults.
Please come!
Tags: maskerade
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12:42 pm
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I need to tell the world!
I just had a steak, bacon and cheese pie for lunch. It was very nice. After I had finished the pie I felt a strong urge to blow my nose. So I did.
Much to my surprise, from my nose issued two chunks of steak from the very pie I had just eaten. I do not know how they ended up in my sinus cavity, but there they were.
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07:26 pm
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Blaaaargh
It has been a big few days.
I went into work early on Friday, because Alison needed to leave even earlier. So I was alone there for about 7 hours. Awesome.
Saturday morning I did something rather stupid. In leau of going for a jog, I did the single most punishing theatre exercise I know. I am now in a not inconsiderable amount of pain. I also finally finished my short story, and I'm reather happy with it. It's here and on facebook if people would like to provide feedback (please, please give feedback. So far people have only been saying "I really like it!"). That night I went to an impro friend's housewarming party. It was awesome, but I got lost both on the way there and back. And I didn't get to bed until about 1:30-2.
Today was Maskerade rehearsals, starting an hour early. It was also a lot of fun, and I laughed a lot (despite all my leg-related pain). And now I am about to watch a Jane Austin-themed impro show.
Tomorrow I go back to uni for the final three weeks, with three more assignments to hand in. Awesome.
Tags: life
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03:42 pm
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Beyond Human - Short story
This is my second short story for uni. I'm rather happy with it, but I was provided so generously with feedback on my last one that I thought I'd see if you would be so kind as to do it again. Any Psychology students, feel free to correct my mangling of therapist language.
( Beyond Human )
Tags: story, uni
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06:48 pm
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When you play the "world series" you expect to play the world...
I just had a customer who wanted a "world map with Australia in the middle", so I showed him one. He then said that he didn't really want the rest of the world on there "more, a world map of Australia, if that makes any sense."
"No, sir, it doesn't. A "world map" shows the world; a "map of Australia" will show Australia."
"Oh. Well, I work with a lot of Americans, and they play the "World Series" which is actually just American teams."
"Yes sir. But we do things properly here."
I then showed him a map of Australia, and he didn't want it.
Tags: work
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12:16 am
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Awesome Day
I had an all-round good day today. Even if I was woken up at 7am by my sister and brother moving stuff out to the car and then pounding on my door to say goodbye. Even if I was woken up again a couple of hours after that by a call from Kate, asking me to drive the keys she left behind out to her at work. However, many set-backs are often opportunities in disguise; while at the Just Jeans where Kate works I finally spent the $50 gift voucher I had, which was going to expire in a couple of months, on a "pleather" jacket and a green polo-shirt.
I got a text from Damo and Josh around that time asking me if I wanted to go around to their place before D&D and play some Halo 3: ODST, which indeed I did. That game is really fun, and at some point when I feel a little more financially affluent I might pick up a copy. Or hint heavily to my family that it would make a good birthday present.
D&D was also very good. We didn't play for long, but it was heavily combat-focused and the party went up to level 4. Damon, Josh and Hejira left around 7 or so, but Kate and I hung out with Eric and Sarah until 11:20. I am now home and about to go to bed, because I have rehearsal tomorrow and I am very tired. It possibly has something to do with playing Batman until 3:30 this morning.
Tags: d&d, life
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07:47 pm
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Friday on my mind
So, it's Friday and I am on a bus home so I can go out to dinner with my big sister and littlest brother.
A game (Batman: A.A.) that I ordered from ebay a couple of weeks ago finally arived today; half an hour before I had to go to work. So the afforementioned little brother has probably been playing that all day, the brat. I guess I did tell him that he could, but still, it hardly seems fair.
Tomorrow my siblings are driving back home, and I have D&D in the afternoon/evening which I need to finalise plans for. On Sunday I have rehearsals for Maskerade from 11-4. So I won't be playing much Batman this weekend.
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10:23 am
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If only "F" stood for "Fantastic".
I got a D+ on an assignment I picked up today. I still get a momentary shock of panic whenever I see a "D" on my assignments, because in high school that was a very bad thing.
I think this tutor/lecturer is a bit of an easy marker. Not that I'm complaining.
Tags: uni
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